⚒️AIP 71 How I'm Doing More By Trying Less

⚒️AIP 71 How I'm Doing More By Trying Less
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 / Unsplash

It seems obvious the more effort you give the more you should get.

This has not been the case with me and dating. As I said in my ​2023 annual review​, one of my big goals this year is to find a girlfriend. I’ve been cold approaching, using Hinge, talking to girls in classes, at the gym, and more. With every interaction, one question sits in the back of my mind: is she girlfriend material?

Has this incredible initiative paid off?

Much less than you would think.

Frustrated by my lack of control, I decided to talk to an old PTYA creator friend, Dennis Xiao. He opened my eyes to the philosophy of non-forcing.

Essentially, when you try to force things, you fight with the Universe

The foundational law of the Universe is entropy. Things change, regardless of whether you want them to or not.

Resisting change too heavily puts you at war with everything.

This doesn’t just apply to dating but anything in life. Trying to force someone else’s Personal Knowledge Management system on yourself. Trying to force yourself to go to work even though another creative endeavor intrigues you more. Trying to force yourself to eat something other than peanut butter (that might just be a me thing).

Action has diminishing returns.

Using Clash Of Clans as an analogy, you can spend only so much time playing each day. You can collect your resources and battle, but then your troops need to recoup (unless you’re a silly like me and spent real-life dinero to recoup them instantly).

Applied to dating, I’ve been trying to force a girlfriend too heavily. I was taking action. But I was taking so much that there were not only diminishing returns, but I came to my interactions with the wrong mindset.

The question during my interactions was always: is she girlfriend material? This put me in a needy state. And girls noticed. Neediness is one of the most unattractive qualities in a guy. The philosophy of non-forcing would say, come to your interactions just looking for a meaningful connection. You'll know if she’s girlfriend material; if she’s not, at least you had a nice conversation.

Adopting this philosophy lifted a massive weight from my shoulders.

I no longer have the pressure of analyzing every interaction like a sonar missile reader in a submarine. I simply am. Paradoxically, my interactions are becoming better. I’m not needy. I’m just looking for a great connection.

Don’t force it, be like water.

Here’s what I would like to share this week.

📸News From The Channel!

📺Latest On De YouTube - ​I Gamified Obsidian To Make Notemaking More Fun Than Minecraft:​ This video goes over 7 ways you can gamify your Obsidian to do the same.

📺Latest On De YouTube - ​The Dark Truth Of Online Dating For Guys​: After 5 months of “surviving” with online dating apps, I have to get some things off my chest. As a guy, I’m sure you’ll resonate with some of the problems and solutions I surface with online dating.

🎙️Latest On De Podcast - ​E37 R.J. Nestor: Action Powered Productivity In PKM​: R.J. Nestor is a Productivity Consultant, Tana Ambassador, family man, author, and musician. He’s done 11 cohorts of Action Powered Productivity and is coming out with his book Rhythms of Productivity in March 2024. I’m excited to have him on the podcast to bring a productivity perspective to PKM.

In this podcast you will learn:

  • How to create a PKM system that promotes action
  • The biggest mistakes people make with PKM and productivity
  • How to personalize your PKM system to you

✍️Latest On De Blog - ​Speak Like Shakespeare In 5 Minutes​: There is a science behind eloquent writing, speaking, conversing, whatever, and it can be learned. Shakespeare is Shakespeare partly because of that magnificent beard–my goodness–but also because he understands ​the elements of eloquence written about by Mark Forsyth​. Through ingraining even one of these techniques the next time you write, you can sound a gigillion (it’s a number I made it up) times more eloquent the next time you write.

✍️Latest On De Blog - ​Don’t Copy Your Neighbors​: Copying neighbors leads to desire for the same scarce resources. Desire over the same scarce resources can lead to short-horizon thinking. Short-horizon thinking is the essence of evil.

💡My Best Insights:

P.S. Some of the links below are Amazon affiliate links.

📖Book - ​Confessions of a Teenage Gamer​: A phenomenal memoire recounting Nicolas Cole’s journey to the top of the World Of Warcraft servers. It’s a story about hunger, insecurity, and anger.

📰Blog Post - ​Writing Wednesdays: High Concept​: The best stories usually start out as high concepts. That means they are interesting in themselves. For example, Speed. A criminal rigs a bus full of passengers to explode if the vehicle’s speed drops below 55 mph. Cop and innocent gal must save bus and passengers.

Got questions? Hit "reply"! I read every email (yeah people are surprised!) 🤗 Thanks for reading!

Cheers, 🥜


Aidan Helfant 👋Say hion Twitter, My Podcast, orYouTube

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