I'm going through the most exciting and terrifying period of any season.

When you know things need to change, but you don't yet know what or how. It's been almost a year since I graduated from Cornell, ten months of working remotely at my new job, and 7 months since my ex and I broke up. My days pass in a misty haze of writing articles, talking to friends, and creating gamification designs for work. I used to love it all. But right now I feel an intruder wearing the activities of my old self like a rain battered coat. Every few hours a whisper of purpose, of energy, shines through solemn clouds just to be swallowed whole.

It's not depression or apathy. It's walking through the last snowfall before spring, the wet socks, the grey light, the mud underneath that's almost warm, and wondering why it's taking a god damn century.

A book which is helping me tremendously during this period is Resurface by Cassidy Krug.

Throughout the book, Cassidy unveils her own story of relinquishing a fruitful Olympic Diving career, for well, she didn't know what. She interviews hundreds of people and charts the hidden patterns behind life seasons. I started reading the book after a particularly tumultuous two days apartment searching in Boston. Every five minutes my entire life trajectory warped like a runaway train switching tracks. I needed something to ground me in what the fuck was going on.

The most important insight I got is transitioning between seasons is normal and good.

When you don't appreciate the seasonality of life, being stuck can seem like it will last forever. But there's always a bridge from winter to spring. You just need to know how to walk it.

You might be going through a difficult college season like changing a major, applying for internships, or letting go of a friend. If so, this article will help you:

• Reflect on what type of season you're going through
• Learn how to treat yourself with grace and love as you go through it
• Arm you with the tools for navigating any season

Let's boogie.

The Profound Nature of Seasons

One of my favorite insights in Resurface is there are four types of transitions between seasons:

• Anticipatory: You know a transition is coming (college graduation).
• Non-anticipatory: You didn't know a transition was coming until it was flung on you (surprise break up).
• Non-event: The transition comes from something not happening (no return job interview).
• Sleeper: The transition happens but you aren't aware of it until afterward (spiralling into party mania).

I've graduated college (anticipatory), gone through a break up (non-anticipatory), lived in the same city for another gosh darn year (non-event), and found myself losing passion for my current life set up (sleeper).

Some transitions are rivers, swaying back and forth between calm and rapids. Learning to love myself while single has been particularly resonant with this idea. I gave my soul to that relationship. When it ended, it felt like a part of me had been ripped out. After six months of tranquility and growth, I thought it was over. But then, I noticed the same giving tendencies coming into my work through free work, weekend calls, accepting just one more responsibility. Then I realized staying in Ithaca for seven months was just me hoping we would get back together again. I could have left, but made sorry excuses like, "I need to wait out my lease" (there's a magical thing called subletting). That one hurt.

Strangely, being such an autonomous and doing oriented person led me to realize the sleeper transition I was in less. Doing so much every day in Conscious College, my work, clubs, and more made me feel I was doing all I needed to make change. But I wasn't really. I was running on a treadmill, only to step off and realize I was still playing into the same identity.

Now that I'm aware of the transition, I'm overwhelmed. The problem is not I don't have things I'm passionate about. I have too many things! I want a successful spiritual business. I want a profound romantic relationship. I want to write a book. I want to help create a college system that is more knowledgeable, loving, and conscious.

Where do I start?!

Part of me wants to say "hell with it!" and just move to Boston, how expensive it is and all. I'd be surrounded by education and a completely new world. But my finances would kick me. My mom hinted at the idea of doing a masters in The Netherlands. After five hours hyperfixating with Claude, going to the University of Twente in Enschede is all I can think about. It was a bizarre whiplash: one moment I'm thinking of the brownstones and salt air of Boston and the next it's the flat Dutch landscape and bicycle bells.

I returned to Resurface to look for tips on how to navigate the transition.

Here's a few things I uncovered:

• Going to The Netherlands can help, but it won't permanently solve anything. It will just give me a new journey to love. I shouldn't put it on some incredible pedestal.
• I must allow myself to continue grieving for the self I am in Ithaca. The friends, exes, and identities I'm leaving behind.
• Accept the uncertainty of not really knowing whether getting a masters and pursuing a PhD is right for me. I just have to experiment.
• Ground in what I know I love about my old self. Valuing spirituality, infinite game, perseverance, zest, and continuing to do things which can ground me in that.
• Grounding in my support network.

Another season insight which is very insightful for me (this time from an Actualized.org video) is there are four stages to every season.

I like to think of it through the metaphor of a tree mostly because my mom is a biology teacher and she reads every article (hi mom). Throughout life, we go through many seasons on both small and large scales. Most people go through at least ten major seasons.

For each season, there are four stages:

• Seedling Stage: We're not really sure what the next season is and waiting for it to come. A low energy state.
• Sprouting Stage: We've discovered what the next season is and are actively working toward it even if there aren't major results yet. A high energy state.
• Fruiting Stage: We're at the peak of the season, the fruits of your labor shining through more than you could imagine. A manic state.
• Withering Stage: We've become restless and bored with the previous season, knowing something must change but scared of making it happen. Low energy state.

The first instinct I had upon learning these four transitions was to chart myself like a good boy. But transitions don't work for the film industry. They don't have clean beginning, middle, and ends. Just looking at my last year, I've gone through every single one of the transitions above, at both minor and major scales.

The value in the season metaphor is not in plotting ourselves exactly at a season in each area of our life. It's building awareness for roughly where we are, and watering our plant in the way it needs for each stage. Here's what each stage requires to prosper:

• Seedling Stage: Time and energy devoted to reflection and contemplation. Don't rush yourself. A seed can only grow so fast. But don't be too passive either. Experience things so you can seed new ideas.
• Sprouting Stage: Patience and grace. You won't find fruits in any worthwhile thing right away. Don't drown your plant by showering it with water buckets.
• Fruiting Stage: Appreciation and vigor. You've made it. Really appreciate how far you've come, stopping to admire every fruit and flower. But don't become complacent just because some people respect you. It doesn't translate to all areas of life.
• Withering Stage: Accept all good things must come to an end. It's scary to think of moving on, of your leaves changing color and falling off for the winter, but keeping yourself stuck in the past will only make things worse. Accept the beauty of ends, and revel in the yellows, oranges, and reds which come in your leaves transition.

As you hear these stages, think about where you are in your own season of life. What's your season? What stage are you in? How can you give your plant the water it needs during this season?

So yeah, transitions are pretty complex and awesome. I don't know where I'll be in five months. But I know they're likely biking around the streets of Enschede, smiling at the self typing this right now. Perhaps I'll grow a few inches from being around all the Dutch people. If you're going through a transition as well, my heart reaches out for you.

This article is a little more vulnerable then usual, and written with zero help from AI. I'm curious if you could notice.

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