Throughout all of high school and college freshman year there is a silent killer: Judgement.

As a high school junior, I ate judgment cereal for breakfast (with oat milk of course). It fueled me to become the most shredded I've ever been by losing 30 pounds. It fueled me to achieve Valedictorian by playing the school game. And it fueled me to collect friends like Pokémon cards in my freshman year at Cornell University so I wouldn't be lonely. While it helped me get where I am, it kept me from where I wanted to be.

True success, happiness, and love do not come from external accolades, they come from internal roots.

And yet, our judgements keep us believing those things are right around the corner. Despite this, in my 50+ conversations with College Freshman, I discovered something fascinating: Most students don't notice it.

Not only don't they notice it, they actively use judgement as fuel for success and self-improvement. It doesn't have to be this way. Over the last six years I've explored the fields of self-improvement, self-actualization, and spirituality partially to explore judgement through:

• Creating 700+ YT videos, articles, and podcasts on the psychology of human development and judgement
• Teaching 100s of college students and adults through Cornell Outdoor Education, workshops, and six self-made courses
• Working for the worlds #1 Gamification Consultancy, The Octalysis Group, where I've learned to understand motivation and its roots in judgement
• Reading 100s of books including The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz, and an Introduction To Integral Theory by Ken Wilber

In this article, I'll explore what judgement actually is, the problems it creates in college, why we do it, and how we can create a healthier relationship with judgment. Let’s boogie.

What Is Judgement And Why Is It So Bad?

Judgement is labelling reality as good or bad and then wishing it was different.

Judgment is basically YT short comments for the universe. On its own, this is not hindering. It's when we absolutize these judgements as objective aspects of reality, and blend with them, that problems arise. In other words, when we attach to our judgements.

Attaching to judgements creates three major problems.

Problem 1: We Keep Ourselves From True Success, Happiness, And Love

You've probably noticed a peculiar pattern about your judgements. Even when we get the good things we want, it never seems to be enough. One A, fantastic. Make sure we keep that A train going. Feeling positive emotions for a bit—well, they won't last. One new friendship. If we don't keep it up, it will dissolve.

Like running on a treadmill to reach the horizon, judgement keeps us sprinting thinking that the next thing will finally fulfill us. It never does...

The problem is we're seeking success, happiness, and love externally. But those things can only come from inside, because the external world is a mirror of our internal one. It doesn't matter how many good grades we get, how many good experiences we have, or how many friendships we make. It will never be enough without internal fulfillment (my college happiness video illuminates this well).

Here's the thing: Reality, in the Absolute perspective, is not good or bad. It just is. YOU are imagining the judgement onto reality. No where is it written in the fabric of the Universe that getting a B should doom our souls to eternal hellfire. Neither is it written in the universe that a deep conversation with a friend is an inherently valuable thing.

Of course, this doesn't mean judgement doesn't have value, or that we can't have opinions, or that we shouldn't strive for external things. Judgement holds immense practical value developmentally. Most students have gotten to an elite college predominantly through the judgements they have made of reality. That’s why I don't recommend trying to cease judgement entirely—you're likely not ready for such a shift. Try to stop judging cold turkey, you’ll end up judging yourself for judging, which is like trying to debate your way into a romantic relationship.

The wisdom is in avoiding attachment to our judgements.

Don't see your good or bad evaluations as inherent aspects of reality, and then blend your self with them. Come to them with compassion and equanimity. Strive for external things with a rootedness in internal fulfillment, knowing you will never fulfill yourself externally. We'll talk more about this in the mindful judgement section at the end.

This importance of this internal rootedness is especially true when it comes to judging others.

Problem 2: Judging Others Is Judging Ourselves

"That person isn't kind enough."
"They're procrastinating on their work."
"They aren't treating their health with enough respect."

When I was a freshman, I used to slingshot tens if not hundreds of "micro-judgements" like the above without even realizing it! And of course, I mistook these micro-judgements as inherent aspects of reality. Because they were judgements against others, I felt they were even more valid.

What we don't realize is judgements against others are actually judgements against ourselves.

We think others are exactly that, others! In actuality, we’re imagining this self-othering onto reality because it's a useful differentiation for navigating college. Our self is inextricably linked with others because it's our self that is making the judgement of other.

All of our other judgements therefore are actually self-judgements. Judging someone else as not kind enough could be us projecting our own unkindness, or fearing that we are too kind because we act as a doormat. Judging others for procrastinating on their work could be us projecting our own procrastinating tendencies, or fearing we work too hard. Judgement against others for treating their health poorly could be you projecting your own health problems, or fearing you focus too much on your health.

In all cases, we lose...

When we upwardly judge—evaluate someone else as better than us—it sets impossible standards because we aren't them. They have a completely unique skill set, genetics, relationships, experiences, and more. How could we make a reasonable comparison?

When we downwardly judge—evaluate someone as worse than us—it puts us in a negative relationship to others,. For example, I used to judge others all the time for not being focused enough (downward judgement). Every day, I would get up and do deep work for five hours straight, no distractions. Meanwhile students around me would check their phone every -3 seconds; their thumbs definitely had abs.

This backfired on me, HARD, when I experienced my first bout of real depressive loneliness after losing my freshman friend group. Suddenly, my deep work became sleep work, cause that's all that it felt like I could do. I judged myself harshly, making sure to add a drop of "you're a lazy slob," to my morning coffee (black). This, surprisingly, did not make me feel better.

Again, the problem is not having judgements against others—good luck getting rid of those. The problem is attaching to those judgments which brings us to the third, and most under appreciated problem of judgement.

Problem 3: Judging Disrespects Realities Relativity

When we judge reality in any way, we make a devilishly subtle statement: "It should be different."

Here's the tough pill to swallow. No. No, it shouldn't be different. Why? Because it IS the way it is. Billions of years have led up to this moment—stars forming and dying, lifeforms evolving and going extinct, humans developing and colleges forming.

Reality is not here to serve our whims, it's completely impersonal. Then, we come in and say it shouldn't be what it is even though it literally couldn't be any other way. What we don't want to admit is reality is bad because it doesn't serve our selfish desires.

We don’t like bad grades because they mean we might not get the career er wanted. We don’t like mean people because they make us feel negative. We hate cancer because it takes our loved ones away.

You might say, “But Aidan cancer is bad!”

I understand. My grandfather died of pancreatic cancer. We can still have relative judgements, but we must see them as exactly that, relative judgements coming from our own selfishness.

The power of this awareness can’t be overstated. The majority of human suffering throughout history up into the present can be summarized as human’s being selfish without realizing it. Don’t fall for the same trap.

The problem with selfishness goes a level deeper: Judgement disrespects realities relativity.

As said earlier, we tend to take our selfish judgements and attach to them, seeing them as absolutely true (see my truth article to learn more). The biggest problem this creates is in not appreciating human development. It turns out, college ego development follows a predictable seven stage pattern. When we judge ourselves or others, we don't appreciate how who we are or they are is an adaptation to everything they have experienced throughout their life.

For example, when I judged others for procrastinating, I didn't appreciate how it might be helping them learn to relax, or bond with their friends, or have enough alone time to realize they were in the wrong major. More recently, I judge this one girl I'm trying to date for taking so long to respond through text. In turn, I don't appreciate how she similarly to me four years ago might not be a texter, or she's going through a rough period right now.

Attaching to judgements disrespects this relativity by not appreciating how relative our judgements actually are. If we wanted to be realistic, whenever we start a statement with should, we would say: "You should do X if you're in Y context, with Z experiences, yada yada yada."

So, attaching to judgements keeps us from true success, happiness, and love, is actually judging our self, and doesn't appreciate relativity. The next question becomes...

Why The Heck Do We Judge If It's So Sucky Sucky?

Because judgment works.

At least… it works the way energy drinks “work.” They don’t nourish you, but they absolutely get you through the next four hours of panic and fluorescent lighting.

Judgment is one of the most reliable survival technologies the human ego has ever invented. It’s a fast, blunt instrument for answering the question: “Is reality okay?” And if you’re an Elite College Freshman, “okay” usually means: respected, competent, included, and not secretly falling behind while everyone else is somehow doing research, lifting, and donating business earnings to a small village in the Amazon rainforest.

Judgement motivates like crazy.

If you label your current self as “not good enough,” you’ll do almost anything to close the gap. This is gold black-hat, left-brain motivation fuel: pressure, comparison, shame, fear of loss. It’s powerful because it's gotten you where you are, but it’s also expensive because it makes you feel subtly out of control, non-agentic, and bad—even when you’re winning (see my motivation video to learn more).

The profundity goes a level deeper: Judgement is how the false self stays intact.

The false self is the finite character you build to survive college: your grades, your major, your identity, your “type,” your reputation, your body, your relationships, your future plans. None of this is wrong. In development, you have to do some self-othering. You have to draw boundaries. You have to construct a stable “me” to navigate a complex environment. A freshman without a false self would be like a game character without a UI—technically “free,” but also completely unable to play.

The problem starts when you confuse that character for your True Self. Then every judgment becomes a defense mechanism. Judging others as lazy or shallow can be your false self propping itself up. Judging yourself as behind can be your false self trying to whip you into shape before someone else can reject you. Even judging reality as good—“this is how it should be”—is often your false self creating a frame for its ideal world.

Judgment isn’t evil. It’s frightened. It’s the part of you that learned, very early, that you weren't enough. And once you’ve trained that habit for years, you don’t just drop it because you read one spiritual paragraph and felt enlightened for eleven minutes.

The real question isn’t “How do I stop judging?” The real question is...

How Can We Judge More Mindfully?

The goal isn’t to become some frictionless, floating orb of “non-judgment” who smiles serenely while your group project dissolves into ash. You’re in college. You’re going to have opinions about your professor’s feedback, your friend’s text timing, and the fact that the dining hall somehow found a way to make pasta both soggy and dry.

The shift is from surviving your false self to striving for your True Self.

Your True Self (Capital S) is your deepest nature—where you actually taste the kind of success, happiness, and love you’ve been trying to harvest from external soil. It doesn’t reject your false self but rather transcends it with warmth and then integrates it with patience. Rooted in the True Self you feel calmer, more creative, more compassionate, more courageous—yet the road there is not a spa day. It’s hardship.

This is why I call it the Conscious College Journey: the hero’s journey of moving from the false self journey—trying to win your way into worthiness—to awakening to something in you that was never missing in the first place.

And the doorway into that journey is dis-attachment from judgment through four shifts.

Shift 1: From judgment to Judgment

You want to move from judgment (lowercase) to Judgment (Capital J).

judgment is evaluation fused with selfish blending. It’s not just “I prefer X.” It’s “X is objectively good, and if I don’t get X something is wrong with me, them, or reality.”

Judgment (Capital J) is contextual discernment without that blending. You continue to evaluate, because it’s practically impossible not to, but you don’t absolutize your evaluation as if it’s written in the fabric of the universe.

For example, wanting to work out can come from judgment: “If I don’t work out I’m lazy and unattractive and unworthy and everyone else is doing it and I’m falling behind.” That version of motivation might get you moving, but it tends to poison whatever it touches.

Instead, wanting to work out can come from Judgment: “In this season of my life, I want to respect my body more. I want to feel energized. I want to be more attractive. I want to strengthen my foundation so I can show up better in everything else.” Same behavior. Completely different inner roots.

Shift 2: Notice The Judge

You can’t dis-attach from judgment if you don’t even realize you’re doing it.

The practice begins ridiculously small: When you notice judgment arising, witness it. Ground in the witness behind all experience, the awareness that watches everything occurring, even you reading this article right now. Let it witness your judgement.

Oh. There it is again.

Then, do the second part that sounds easy and is not: Accept it without attachment. If you resist the acceptance, accept the resistance. If you judge the judgment, notice that too. Feel it in your body. For most people it’s some combination of:

• Tight jaw
• Tense shoulders
• Shallow breath
• Contracted chest
• Restless, forward-leaning urgency
• A subtle heat behind the eyes

Shift 3: Understand What The Judgment Is Protecting

Once you can witness judgment, the next move is to get curious about it.

Judgment is rarely random. It’s usually guarding something.

• A fear.
• A longing.
• A wound.
• A part of you that learned a long time ago that being worthy requires something external

So when judgment shows up, you can ask: What is this trying to protect? This is where reflective journaling comes in. When you catch a judgment—about yourself, someone else, or reality—write it down, then explore:

• How is this judgment affecting me?
• Why is it affecting me that way?
• Where is it coming from?

If you judge someone as “too needy,” is there a part of you terrified of needing anyone? If you judge someone as “lazy,” is there a part of you grieving how exhausted you’ve been for years? If you judge yourself as “behind,” is there a part of you that believes love is conditional on achievement?

This is what I mean when I say: judgment is a mirror.

It doesn’t just point outward. It reveals the shape of what in you is still trying to heal.

Shift Four: Re-orient Toward The True Self (Conclusion)

As you do this, you’ll start to feel a strange, quiet shift. Judgments still arise, but they have less gravitational pull. And in that space, a different orientation becomes possible.

Instead of asking: “How do I control reality so I can finally be okay?” You begin asking: “How do I become okay so I can meet reality as it is?”

This is the beginning of the Conscious College Journey.

Because the True Self is not something you “achieve” after you finally fix your psychology and never get triggered again. It’s what’s present when you stop outsourcing your worth to the verdicts in your head and start rooting your life in something deeper than performance.

So yes, judgment is a silent killer. It kills true success, happiness, and love. But judgment is also strangely sacred. Because every time it shows up, it reveals where you still believe you are not safe, not loved, not enough, not allowed to rest into reality. It’s a flare in the night sky pointing to the next place your consciousness wants to grow.

And if you keep walking—patiently, imperfectly—judgment starts to change flavor. It becomes less like a hammer and more like information.

Until one day, almost without noticing, you judge less. And in that moment you may glimpse something simple, almost annoyingly simple: Reality is already whole. Not because it’s pleasant. Not because it’s fair. Not because your freshman year went according to plan.

But because it is what it is—unfolding, evolving, alive—and you are finally meeting it without flinching. Which makes me wonder what would happen if the next time judgment arose, you didn’t treat it like an enemy… but like a teacher.

Because the story doesn’t end when you stop judging. The story continues when you start listening.

If you found this post interesting you would love my free College Freshman Cosmic Journaling Kit (CJK). ✨📚

It's a gamified journaling system that helps you grow your emotional intelligence, self-understanding, and purpose with over 1,000+ journaling questions in just 15 minutes a day.